Unidentified Funny Objects 6, edited by Alex Shvartsman: Dear Joyce
Dear Joyce,
Last week a wizard abducted me and my best friend R. The wizard claims I’m the rightful heir to the Alabaster Throne, that my destiny is to kill King Mnabapt, to marry a princess, and to restore Riverell to prosperity, and that King Mnabapt has sent a bloodseeker to kill me.
At least the bloodseeker part is true—I saw it rip into Farmer J, R’s dad. I don’t know if R will ever get over that.
As for the rest?
I really, really do NOT want to marry a princess.
Sure, I’m an orphan and I always felt I was destined for greater things, but I thought maybe I’d go to college and become a financial adviser instead of a farmer. Turnips are boring.
What do you think? Have I found my destiny, or has it found me? What should I do?
Captured Homeless Orphan Seeks Explanatory NoteDear CHOSEN,
You gloss over this part a little, so I feel the need to place this all in caps: YOU HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED…
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